Saturday, 18 June 2011

It's the weekend, and nothing exciting is happening...

But that's the story of my life that is.  The most exciting thing going on in this house tonight is a home-made curry with home-brewed lager (we're beating this bloody recession, I tell you!) followed by Kung-Fu Panda and an episode of 'Casualty'!  But, do you know what?  I'm quite happy with that.  Gone are the days when I can be bothered to get tarted up and head down to Whitley Bay for a night of watered-down lager (because that's what we used to get back in 1992.  I drank the equivalent of 3 pints on the average Friday/Saturday night yet I was still stone-cold sober when I got back home).  I haven't got the bloody energy anymore to be honest.  I'm still recovering from that Take That concert 3 weeks ago!  No, I'm quite happy to have a quiet night in, arguing over what film to watch.  Suits me just fine.  We always end up watching the film I want anyway!!
Right now I'm watching 'Only Fools & Horses' repeats on Gold and wishing I hadn't started looking at eBook marketing strategies.  I know I've got tons of work to do in that respect because so far the amount of books I've sold is still in single figures and my confidence is quite low, but I just didn't really want to think about it until Monday.  It's an uphill battle of mammoth proportions this self-marketing lark and being reminded of just how big a job I've got ahead of me has almost put me off me chicken madras.  It's actually made me feel quite sick to the point where I'm beginning to wonder if it was worth going into this self-publishing business in the first place.  But ofcourse it was.  I'm just panicking because this is all still new to me and I'm still learning.  I think I'll be learning for a long time actually, this is not an easy or a quick job.  I've more than gathered that now!  It's still putting the fear of God into me though.  But what I have to do is keep the faith, I know my books are good, there's a market for them, I know there is, I've just got to corner that market, gain a fan base - no matter how small - and work hard to keep them.  Sounds easy when I say it quickly.  I just don't want to feel like I've failed at something I've wanted all my life, and I also have to remember that I have only been doing this for 3 weeks.  3 weeks, that's all.  So maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk, we'll see.  Anyway, I'm just rambling today, but sometimes writing it all down helps make sense of it more and I can stop beating myself up about the fact I've only sold a handful of books.  So far.  I just need to get a different mindset, realise I've got a long road ahead, and know that it's going to take time.  I worry far too much about everything, that's my problem.  So tonight I'm going to chill out, drink home-made wine (it's very nice, and cheap! No bloody recession is stopping me from enjoying a drink, and none of mine is watered down!) and get ready for next week, when I'll throw myself completely into this self-marketing lark. After all, if this is the route I've chosen to take with my writing, then it's all in my hands, isn't it? 

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